Wisteria Cousland, Hero of Ferelden, Vol I
by Zute
Summary: A couple years after the blight, during the course of Awakening. Wisteria finds herself leading people again, this time as a Commander and Arlessa. Youth and inexperience lead to interesting mistakes. Cousland/Varel
1. The Anders Problem

**The Anders Problem**

Varel walked into Commander Cousland's study, at Virgil's Keep. "Do you have a moment?", he asked.

Wisteria looked up from the papers in front of her. Varel looked to her as if he was fighting a strong urge to be elsewhere. "Of course." She cocked her head in curiosity and asked, "What's wrong?"

Varel took a deep breath and closed her study door. He sat across from her desk but Wisteria felt his discomfort so strongly she got up to sit in the chair next to him.

He drew a deep breath. "I don't really know how to say this so I'll just be plain about it", he looked her squarely in the eyes.

Wisteria put a hand on his forearm. "Of course, speak your mind." Her forehead furrowed with concern. _Dear Maker, what was wrong?_ She needed and trusted Varel and seeing him looking so concerned worried her terribly. She would never be able to run the Arl without him, he was essential to her.

"Are you involved with your recruit Anders?" He asked her, watching for a reaction.

_Oh fermenting hurlock crap_, she thought. _How the hell..._ She could feel her face flushing and she broke eye contact and forced a lame smile.

"Well, to be perfectly honest, yes."

She rose from her chair and walked to a window, as though physical distance from the source of her embarrassment could help her now. "But Varel, as much as I depend on you for your advice and assistance in running the Arling, is this really your concern?" She folded her arms in front of her and leaned against the window casement, grateful for the cool breeze that helped to cool the flush of redness from her very pale skin.

Varel wouldn't let her walk away. He got up and joined her at the window. His face was creased with concern. He put a friendly hand on her shoulder. How to advise this young woman? She'd done some amazing things in the last few years, including saving his country from destruction from blight and civil war. He felt very privileged to be advising her but he could see her making some decisions he knew she might come to regret. Even despite her accomplishments she was very young and in some ways inexperienced.

"Commander, I wouldn't think of bringing this up, ordinarily. Your private life is your own business, I just sensed this could go awry." He sighed with frustration at his words. He didn't want to sound patronizing. He really didn't want to be doing this at all. _Blunt. Just be blunt_, his gut told him.

"Look, I've seen where this sort of thing can go. Your other recruits, if they get wind of this, will feel you show him favoritism. There will be petty jealousies over this. If the relationship ends things can get very messy."

Wisteria groaned and shut her eyes, bumping her head against the casement. "I'm an idiot, Varel. Tell me, how did you know? I thought we were being very discrete. Do you think anyone else knows?"

Varel shook his head. "No, I just pieced it together. From watching Anders actually. He watches you very closely when you're not looking. A few of your glances and smiles and I put it together." He shook his head, "I'm so sorry, Commander. I know I have no business discussing this with you but I was hoping you really meant it when you told me not to let you make any mistakes."

Wisteria smiled grimly. She had actually said, _foolish mistakes_, he was being kind.

"I did mean it. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're the one really running this Arling. I don't have time what with training the recruits and trying to figure out what the darkspawn are up to. Even if I knew how to do what you do." She pushed a strand of her disorganized black hair behind an ear. "So I've really buggered this up, so to speak, and I don't quite see a way to unbugger it."

Varel's eyebrows arched in surprise at her use of vulgarity. He should be used to it, the fort was full of soldiers. It's just most of them weren't young, beautiful raven-haired nobles with supposedly impeccable breeding and education. He forgot sometimes, looking at her, that the last several years of her life were spent around fighting men and drunken dwarves. Before that, she'd had a lot of martial training, against her Mother's wishes she had told him.

"Varel, really. I have no idea how to fix this. If I break up with him it is sure to cause bad feeling." Wisteria looked at him directly with her large, dark blue eyes. They looked almost black, like her hair, sometimes.

Varel thought for a moment. In truth, he had this worked out already. He wouldn't have bothered confronting her if he couldn't offer a decent solution.

"There's a Grey Warden compound in Denerim isn't there?"

Wisteria nodded.

"It'd be a rather plum assignment for a young man like Anders to be assigned to Denerim, wouldn't it? You could put him in charge of recruiting and organizing there and I'm sure he'd be an asset for Queen Anora too, wouldn't he?"

Wisteria's eyebrows rose and a smile quirked across half her mouth. "Bravo, Varel. I think he would rather be in Denerim than here, and now that those Templar ninnies have been dealt with, he should be able to breathe easily there." Wisteria's internal dialogue was much less calm. Her heart felt... heavy, sore. _Don't think about it._

"Queen Anora though," Wisteria repressed the urge to call her by own nickname, Queen Annoying, "I think she'll leave Anders alone. Me, I'm sure she'd do her best to make sure I died a very tragic death and give me a state burial with full honors."

Varel looked at Wisteria quizzically. "You think she would try to assassinate you?" He didn't know the full story.

Wisteria trusted Varel. He had been nothing but kind to her. "You might not have heard everything. Probably no one but Alistair, myself and Anora knew. In fact, I think I never even told Alistair. But I made some promises to Anora I had no intention of keeping, simply because we needed her to back us in the Landsmeet and she had proven to me that she could turn against us in a heartbeat if she thought we weren't going to support her as Queen."

Varel's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really?", he asked. Somehow he never thought of Wisteria being the sort to get involved in political machinations. But it made sense, she was the daughter of a noble, she could not have been ignorant of these things.

Wisteria felt her insides squirm a little. Standing inside Howe's former Keep she wondered how much she might actually be like Howe. It all felt so distant now, she thought she wasn't the same person at all. The circumstances had been much different. _The civil war. The blight. I did what need to be done because Ferelden needed me to do it. Maker, I sound just like Loghain and Anora._ She felt a little sick inside.

Retrospection was bad. Very bad. She was learning that. So many decisions she made had horrible consequences for someone. Not that she wanted that. But that entire era in her life events had been like a pack of charging brontos, flattening everything that got in their way. Since then she had learned that that was how the Grey Wardens operated. You did what you had to to stop the blight. The Joining chalice should come with a lengthy warning, _"May cause insomnia, death, increased appetite, infertility, dabbling in blood magic, being exploded by archdemons, shortened life with tragic ending, and incredible, crushing guilt"_.

"Let's get back to Anders," Wisteria prompted.

"I could tell him, if you wish."

Wisteria shook her head. "No, I need to straighten this out if I can. I can't ask you to do that."

Varel straightened and clasped Wisteria's shoulder with a friendly grip. "Commander, thanks for hearing me out."

Wisteria smiled warmly, "You did the right thing. I can't tell you how much I value having your advice and I hope your friendship too. Thank you, I know how difficult this was".

Varel nodded and left the room.

She sighed. Oh, this was going to be awful. How did she let this happen? Anders was funny and reminded her of Alistair in some ways. When she'd overheard him making a comment to Oghren about the utility of mage robes it had tweaked her curiosity too, she had to admit. She now knew first hand there had been more truth to his retort than anyone actually guessed. Mage robes were conducive to quick, secretive trysts, although her own apparel wasn't. There was the magic too. A sort of magic she suspected wasn't taught in any classroom in the Circle of Magi. She wondered if Wynne... oh that was just so wrong!

Well, best get this done, she thought. She walked down the hallway to find a guard to send Anders to her. Then she sat back down at her desk and tried to read the paper in front of her. It wasn't possible though. So she crossed back to the window and watched the new Grey Wardens and soldiers training.

"Commander. You wanted to..." he paused, allowing overloaded meanings to creep into the sentence, "see me?" A playful look was in his eyes.

Wisteria turned from the window. "Shut the door please, Anders."

Anders nodded obediently and shut the door, bolting it. This wasn't the first time he'd been summoned to her study in the middle of the day. In fact, it was becoming a habit. His hands started to glow a little with magical forces. He stepped towards Wisteria with a low feral growl, anticipating what was next. He pulled her away from the window, lest they be seen, and bent in for a kiss but she held him away this time. He finally saw the somber expression in her eyes and it cooled him off immediately, the magical glow disappeared from his hands.

"Uh, oh. Something tells me this isn't a play-date today".

Wisteria heaved a huge sigh. "No I'm afraid not, Anders." She forced a smile on her face. "How would you like to go to Denerim and get the Grey Warden compound going and start to work on recruiting?"

Anders blinked at her. "Denerim? You want to send me to Denerim? While you're up to your neck in darkspawn attacks? I mean, yeah, I would like to go to Denerim but why now? Is this because of... us?"

Wisteria couldn't lie to him. She was a bad liar especially to people she cared for. _Although I did pretty well lying to Anora._ "Yes, although I truly do need someone to run things from Denerim. And I know you'd like to go there."

Anders looked conflicted. "Why? Are you get bored with me already? I thought we were good together. You seemed pretty happy with things until just now. What happened?"

"Bored? No, nothing like that. I was just reminded of my responsibility here and how I'm failing in it because of... _this_. We can't hide this forever and it's going to cause problems if the other recruits find out. Varel figured it out, and if he did it's just a matter of time before someone else does."

"Would that be so bad? Then we wouldn't have to sneak around. I could stumbled out of your room in the morning looking like I've just been ridden hard all night and no one could complain, because it wouldn't be a secret."

Wisteria sighed. "It's not just that. Look, I'm the Commander here and if I'm sleeping with one of my recruits the others could think I'm favoring you, which is probably quite likely to happen no matter how careful I am. Maker forbid, what if we broke up? You might hate me. Then what? I've been a complete idiot, Anders, I am sorry. I... I care about you. If I weren't commander here and we were both recruits...".

Anders shook his head, "Yeah, yeah... I get it. I know. Yes, you are an idiot. Abusing your authority over me like that." His eyes started to gleam again. "I'll go to Denerim. But on one condition... no two conditions." He held one hand up, in front of her face and the magical blue glow came back. "First condition is, I want conjugal visits in Denerim whenever you're there." He took his glowing hand and slipped it behind her neck and pulled her closer to his face. The cool tingling from his hand seemed to connect with her spine. It sent signals down her back and shut off any intelligent signal coming from her brain. "Agreed?"

"Conjugal!" she spluttered. "Impertinence!" She tried to sound outraged but it wasn't convincing.

"Agreed?" he insisted. His blue glowing hand slid down between her shoulder blades and she gasped at the sensations.

"Fine," she agreed. Her voice was getting husky. "And your other condition?"

He held up his other hand and it ignited in a soft orange glow. He turned her head and put his lips on her ear and whispered, "I am _your _commander today". An orange glowing finger trailed down her long neck to her chest and circled over her breast. Encased in leather armor as it was, somehow she might well have been naked for so keenly did she feel his touch.

"Yes," she sighed quietly.

"Hmmm... yes what?" He taunted her.

"Yes, commander." Her lips quirked with a insubordinate smile.

He drew her into a kiss and they melted onto the expansive, soft rug that covered the granite floor of her study. Seneschals, darkspawn and everything else were forgotten, for awhile.


	2. All Work and No Play

**All work and No Play**

Wisteria saw Anders off very early the morning after their talk. There was no use drawing this out. They had no privacy for anything more than a hand clasp. She watched in the dark, pre-dawn gloom as he and the soldiers with him set out for Denerim. As the entourage faded from view she took stock of what comes next. Her face settled into a hard, determined expression and she resolved to lose herself in her work. Something she should have done all along. If she had done that when she an Alistair were raising an army perhaps he would be alive today and not have taken final swing at the Archdemon despite her protests. The pain and guilt still haunted her from that.

She hoped Anders found a companion in Denerim, she would stay away. Although being an Arlessa, sooner or later she would have to go to Denerim for a Landsmeet. She regretted agreeing to "conjugal visits". The problem with Anora though, that would require some thought someday. The people loved her, probably more than they did the Queen, but they'd probably love her just as much if she were a dead hero too. The only thing keeping her alive, she thought, was her distance from Denerim and her usefulness with the new darkspawn attacks.

The sun was just starting to rise and some light was succeeding in making it's way through the heavy clouds. It would rain today. Poor Anders would have a miserable day on the road. She returned to the Keep and began making some serious plans to get the recruits trained, prepare the soldiers, and settle this darkspawn mess.

During breakfast she explained the new plan. The schedule would be tough but they had to patrol the Arling, investigate a number of issues, and continue their own training and work with the soldiers. There weren't enough troops to be everywhere they were needed. So they'd act as a fast, mobile team and go where needed.

Oghren slurped down another spoonful of porridge which he chased down with ale and asked gruffly. "So we're short staffed and you send Anders off to Denerim? I'm not following that reasoning, Commander."

Wisteria was ready for the question. "We're hoping to pick up some new recruits in Denerim, maybe even from the Circle."

And that began the next few weeks of a grueling schedule. A team of four would be out in the field for several days while all the other recruits who stayed behind trained the soldiers. The days started before dawn and rarely ended until well after sunset, if there was any moonlight to see by, or torchlight. The schedule continued despite the exceptionally heavy spring rains and everyone was especially grumpy at the end of a long day, in damp armor and mud squishing in their boots.

Wisteria was in a mood as grim as the weather. She was so absorbed in her own self-punishment she didn't see how it was affecting others. She was getting results however. She'd put down several darkspawn incursions, rescued a noble's daughter from kidnappers, protected a few farms and had troops ready for the City of Amaranthine. After everyone else quit for the night, she'd spend a little time with a training dummy, she was trying to teach herself to fight without weapons. She'd limp back to her room covered in sweat, bruises and sometimes splinters from the dummy.

Seneschal Varel caught her one night as she was walking back to her room. "Commander, can you spare a few minutes?" He asked her, watching her with concern as she was cradling her hand, and using her left hand for everything.

"Of course, Varel." She showed him into her small sitting room. She poured herself some brandy and offered some to him. He accepted it and sat down.

"I wanted to ask you if you're all right?" Varel looked at her with what struck her as fatherly concern. He hadn't seen her smile or laugh since she had sent Anders away. "You don't seem yourself."

Wisteria was irritated by the fatherly concern. She was old enough she didn't need some sort of surrogate father to parent her. She squelched the irritation though as she remembered how useful the Seneschal was and how much he was taking care of the day-to-day operation of the Arling. It wouldn't be wise to alienate the man.

"I'm fine. Just trying to make some headway with all we've got going on here."

"I'm hearing a little grumbling from your recruits. They're pretty worn down. Your schedule is relentless."

Wisteria slammed down her glass, her brandy sloshed out. "Those lazy sods have a soft bed every night at the end of the day inside a dry Keep. Even Oghren has gotten soft. We've all gotten soft. They should try camping in all weather for a 16 months and taking a bath in glacier melt and then touring the deep roads for six weeks." Wisteria growled and pinched the bridge of her nose.

Varel looked alarmed. He stood up and closed the door to her sitting room, just in case someone walked by. "This isn't because of Anders is it? Are you driving them, and yourself, like this because you don't want to think of him?"

Wisteria looked at Varel harshly. The man was spooky accurate sometimes in reading people. She just shook her head. "No, this is because we need to be ready. I don't know what these darkspawn are up to." She wouldn't say anymore on the subject but Varel had scored a hit with his observation and Wisteria wasn't going to acknowledge that. But she doubted Varel believed her.

"Why don't you give them the next couple of days off. Let them go into town and blow off some steam, visit their families if they have them. I think you'll find they perform a lot better if you give them a little downtime."

Wisteria nodded. "I suppose you're right. I'll let them know tomorrow."

Varel looked at her hand, "What did you do?" He went over to her and picked it up, examined it in the torch light. It was red and swollen along the knuckles.

The side of her mouth lifted a bit. "I got in a fight with a piece of wood." She wasn't about to try to explain her attempts to toughen her hands for unarmed fighting. Although the broken planks in the stable, a few decorated with flecks of her own blood, might raise a few eyebrows.

Varel smiled and shook his head. He knew she'd keep driving herself even if she let the recruits off. Maybe he could channel it into less physically destructive activities. "There's a few Arling matters we should discuss tomorrow as well, a good time for that if you're giving your recruits some time off and there's a backlog of nobles requesting audiences with you, lets set that up for the day after?"

She grimaced and nodded. "If I must".

"I won't keep you from your sleep, Commander, it looks like you could really use it".

"Thank you, Varel".


	3. Conspiracy

As the next day broke the gloom of the rains was finally dispelled and there was at long last a hint of spring and promise of sunshine to come. At last the sun was peaking through heavy clouds. Cherry trees were just beginning to unfurl their pink buds, and the inaptly named redbud tree had it's bare branches covered with tiny white flowers. Mockingbirds began practicing the songs they stole from their neighbors and a small flock of bright finches were doing their best to compete with the showy flowers just starting to unfurl.

Wisteria met her recruits and captains at breakfast and gave them the news that they would have a couple of days off. She would keep a skeleton crew at the Keep and everyone else could have a two day furlough to do whatever they wished. Her recruits cheered and Captain Garevel went off to pick the few soldiers that would be get the bad news they were going to remain on duty. She stayed long enough to bolt down breakfast and overhear some of her recruits making plans for the day. It sounded like Amaranthine would be the destination of choice.

"Come with us, Commander?" Nathaniel ask her.

"Yeah, The Crown and the Lion have some decent drink", Oghren urged her. "You look like you could use a good drunk." He pointed at her now bandaged hand, "How do you get so banged up when we're not even fighting?"

"Training, Oghren. Remember training?" Wisteria needled him. "That stuff we're supposed to be doing so we don't turn as soft as Empress Celene's seat cushion?" She looked at him sardonically, "I remember a certain berserking warrior that used to be as hard as as a steel ball bearing, and shaped like one too. I think sleeping in a bed at night is ruining you."

Oghren growled at her, "I'll show you soft, Commander." He got up and gestured to the courtyard where the soldiers train. "Lets go".

Nathaniel laughed and put a hand on Oghren's shoulder. "Easy, Oghren. The Commander is just teasing." He looked over to Wisteria to see if she was teasing, but she was looking away, her face as grim as usual lately. "Well lets get going, I want to get to town as soon as we can." He tried to break the tension that had suddenly built up. "Velanna, are you coming with us?" Nathaniel asked.

Velanna looked up and nodded. "Yes, I'd like to see this city. I think I could use some herbalism supplies."

The recruits left and Wisteria went to find Varel.

* * *

Despite the tension at the breakfast table the recruits were in high spirits. Even their mounts seemed eager to be on the road, although it was still muddy from the rains, at least the sun was shining.

"Oghren, you know her best," Nathaniel asked, "What's going on with the Commander? She's been in a foul mood for a few weeks now. She's been making me train in hand-to-hand combat and she knows I have no aptitude for that. I can shoot the eye out of a hurlock in the next Arling but I'm just not good with a sword. And she's really been beating me up with the sword training lately."

Oghren grunted. "I don't know exactly. The only time I ever saw her in such a foul mood was after she and Alistair had a huge argument and they didn't talk to each other for several days. I thought she was going to kill us then, we just kept marching endlessly in the Deep Roads. Wynne just stopped and wouldn't take another step. She practically caught Wisteria by the ear and dragged her away to "talk". That seemed to settle it though. After that, everything returned to normal, including the nightly visits Alistair made to her tent."

Velanna looked thoughtfully at the horizon. "Maybe she's lonely?"

Oghren laughed, "That's insane. The Commander could probably have her pick from the garrison. Probably more than one of us recruits wouldn't mind rolling the oats with her. I think she could even get Wade in bed if she brought him enough Dragon scales." He snorted at the image of the effeminate blacksmith in bed with his Commander.

Velanna quirked an eyebrow and looked thoughtfully at Oghren. "That wouldn't be appropriate though, would it? I don't know about human customs but the Dalish are usually careful about leaders getting involved with their subordinates."

Nathaniel looked at Velanna and something clicked for him. "How long has this insane schedule been in place now? About three weeks?"

Velanna nodded. "Yes... I think I'm following you."

Oghren snorted. "Well good, maybe someone can fill me in, huh?"

"Think back, Og. When did Anders leave?" Nathaniel asked him.

Suddenly the dwarf's face lit up. "Are you implying that... Well sod it all! I did think it was odd Anders left like that." He chucked a little then broke into a loud laugh. "Good on her, forging the moaning statue with a mage, wonder what that's like?" His eyes got a little glassy.

Velanna snorted, "Not that you'll ever know, Dwarf".

"Say! All we have to do is get Anders back and maybe the Commander will call off this death march of a training schedule," Oghren said.

Velanna shook her head. "No that isn't going to work. If the Commander and Anders were... well, that would have been inappropriate. She was right to end the affair."

Nathaniel nodded in agreement.

Oghren snorted, "So if you're in charge, what? You don't get to have any fun? Who made up these rules anyway?"

"She just has to find someone who is a peer. Maybe another noble, or someone outside the military command structure." Velanna shrugged. "It is not for us to decide."

Nathaniel looked thoughtfully at Velanna. "Are you sure?"

Velanna looked at him startled, "What are you thinking?"

A wry smile played over his lips. "It would be self-preservation, she's going to kill us at this rate."

Velanna couldn't help laughing. "Fine. It would be self-preservation, I agree. Now we just need a plan. Something subtle. Oh, and a suitable victim for the sacrifice."

Nathaniel chuckled. "Hardly a sacrifice, I'd offer up myself but I'd just end up in Denerim like Anders."

Velanna nodded, "Well, we have two days to figure this out. Are we all agreed to this plan? And further, if one of us is caught, no one rats out the others. Agreed?" She looked at her companions and both nodded.

All three recruits looked like cats that had swallowed pigeons.


	4. What Varel Knew

**What Varel Knew**

Wisteria and Varel worked all morning on issues facing the Arling. Where best to send their limited supply of soldiers, how to get more soldiers and help from the Banns. Food supply issues. Wisteria found it to be tedious but she knew she had to spare some thought for this. She was happy when Varel suggested they break for lunch.

Since there were so few servants at the Keep, they just went downstairs and ate in the kitchen. A cook had a newly roasted chicken ready and it smelled wonderful. Wisteria indulged in a little wine with her meal, as did Varel.

"Varel, I've been wondering," Wisteria wiped away chicken grease from her lips. "I know after Arl Howe's death...", Wisteria trailed off not exactly sure how to talk about the man she herself had killed. Death seemed an appropriately vague term, execution was probably more fitting but a little too official and she hadn't really had the authority to do it, other than the moral authority of one seeking vengeance for the death of one's family. Murder? She thought. Three words all meaning essentially the same thing yet so vastly different. She cleared her throat and tried again. "How did you end up in his dungeon?"

After Howe's death his dungeons, both in Amaranthine and Denerim, had been cleared out and there amidst all the various prisoners had been found Varel, his former Seneschal, the man most responsible for the Arl's wealth. He had clearly been badly treated and was starved and nearly dying of thirst. Queen Anora had asked him to look after the keep. When the Orlesian Grey Wardens came, they wanted him to stay on. He was happy to continue with his former position.

Varel smiled grimly, recollecting the many months he'd spent in the dungeon awaiting Howe's determination. "I had been watching Rendon Howe's political ambitions for awhile and got wind of some unsavory things he was involved in. I spoke to him frankly and he didn't like my advice." Varel grimaced. "So I was demoted. Several times in fact, although strangely, many of my tasks for him remained the same. He was quite fond of my ability to make money from his Arling."

Wisteria nodded. "You're quite good at that. Mistress Woolsey told me the Warden's in Weisshaupt recognized that in you."

Varel fidgeted uncomfortably, "Commander..." he paused, "this may be difficult to hear."

Wisteria's forehead creased. "Go on," she prompted.

"I got wind that the Arl was plotting something against your family. I went to Captain Lowan, who had been a good friend, and discussed this. Lowan assured me it was all untrue, just rumors started by jealous Banns." Varel looked unhappily at Wisteria. "I believed him." He sighed. "I've never really forgiven myself for not coming forward then, even if I had no proof, I might have been able to save your family if I could have warned them. It wasn't long after that it happened." Varel looked depressed at the thought. "I am truly sorry I didn't act on this."

Wisteria was stunned and didn't really know what to think, but Varel's self-torment was unnecessary. That much she knew. She went around the table to sit on the bench next to him, she put a hand on his forearm, hoping it helped.

"I confronted Captain Lowan after that and left. I was headed to Denerim to inform Queen Anora what had happened. But Lowan caught up to me and they dragged me back to the Vigil and locked me up in the dungeon. I was there for nearly a year and a half. Howe was too busy dealing with you and Alistair to remember to deal with me. I think he may have hoped to eventually break me, get me compliant again so I'd go back to making money for him." He sighed.

Wisteria sighed heavily. "Don't torment yourself over it, Varel. The man was a monster. He destroyed so many lives for his ambitions. Even his family suffered." She remembered suddenly, a couple of letters she had found. One from Lowan and another in response from Howe. She thought they were probably discussing Varel, although no names were named. Just the admonition from Howe to "do whatever is necessary".

"Thank you, Commander. I appreciate your kindness. I can't imagine it is easy to have one of Howe's men working for you."

"First of all, call me Wisteria. I do consider you a friend and I don't think we need to stand on formality when we're talking privately. How could I hold any animosity toward you? You tried to bring him to justice. Nothing that happened is your fault. Please don't hold yourself responsible." She gave him a friendly hug and a warm smile. Something of the sourness she had been feeling over the last few weeks went away as she considered someone elses pain.

Varel cheered at the hug. "Your parents would have been so proud of you, Wisteria."

"Bah!", she scoffed. "Mother would be angry I still wasn't married and was still playing at being a soldier. Blight or no blight that woman wanted me to produce grandchildren." Wisteria sighed at the memory of her strong, outspoken Mother. "And that's not exactly likely any longer".

Varel looked at her, "Do you regret it?"

Wisteria chewed on her lip and thought. "I don't know. It just never seriously crossed my mind, about being a mother myself. Then once I was Joined and learned what happens, I didn't dwell on it."

She smiled brightly, for once not forced. "Come on then, I don't think there's any more meat to pick off this bird." She gestured to the poultry carcass on the table, "Lets get back to business".


	5. Varel's Mysterious Illness

**Varel's Mysterious Illness**

The second day of resting passed and was enjoyed by the recruits, soldiers and staff of the Vigil. But Wisteria and Varel kept to their schedule and made progress in clearing a variety of tasks. Wisteria even had some time to herself and she nearly used it to resume her own unarmed training exercises but the lovely spring weather made her yearn to ride.

She was a very good rider, having been brought up around horses and taught to ride at an early age and a few hours in the sunshine did a lot to clear the gloom from her head. She wondered how Anders was faring. She'd gotten a few messages from him but they had been businesslike, as they had discussed the likelihood that communications might not go unread. She tried not to think about him. Her thoughts tended to stray to the erotic when she thought of Anders and that just lead to frustration and loneliness.

_Am I one of those women that never feels complete without some man around?_

She really hated that thought but looking back she saw a pattern. There was almost always someone in tow. Dairren, Zevran, Alistair, now Anders. After Alistair though she had been alone for quite some time, but she was mourning him.

_Why do I do it?_

What was it that made her escape into the arms of a lover so often? She knew. It was comfort and escape. Truthfully too, a randiness that only got worse after the Joining. Funny no one had ever mentioned that. Maybe it was peculiar to her. Or maybe it only happened to women, although Wisteria suspected there would be a lot more women in the Grey Wardens if that were true.

All the responsibility in her life didn't really settle well on her shoulders. She hadn't been brought up like Fergus, indoctrinated into the life of being the heir of a noble. She was the second child so her destiny was more her own, or so she had thought it would be. Didn't turn out that way. Once Arl Howe killed her family it seemed like she was caught in something she couldn't escape from. Finding sanctuary in a series of lovers seemed like the only way to direct a fragment of her own life. But it always seemed to lead to trouble and right now, she couldn't afford that sort of trouble. She needed to be more disciplined and push this nonsense aside.

The tugging of spring longings lessened and she resolved to refocus on her tasks. She rode back to the Vigil and resumed her unarmed training. The pile of broken pine boards grew ever larger.

*****

With the two day furlough over training resumed. The recruits seemed much happier. Velanna was actually lively at dinner time, not growling and muttering about shems under her breath. Oghren and Nathaniel seemed quite lighthearted too. Wisteria was glad they seemed to be bonding.

After dinner that first night back to her unarmed training drills. She was starting to make some progress and would need to find a sparring partner soon. She thought about Nathaniel but he really hated melee combat and was terrible at it. Sigrun would be a better choice, but she was awfully short. She was about to try to punch her way through two planks stacked together and was just drawing in some deep breaths to prepare, and centering her mind when a guard rushed in.

"Commander! The Seneschal has collapsed!"

Wisteria stopped and looked panicked. _Not Varel!_ "What happened to him? Has anyone sent for the medic?"

"Yes, ser. I fetched a medic then came for you. They've got him in his room now."

"Thank you," Wisteria spoke shortly and dashed off as fast as possible to Varel's room, not bothering to wipe off the sweat dripping from her workout.

She charged into his room and found the medic with him. They were just laying him on his bed, he appeared to be unconscious. She hovered over the medic and fired questions at him, "What's wrong with him? Does he have a pulse? Was he poisoned?" The medic held up a hand to stop the barrage.

"Commander, I just got here. I need to examine him." He laid his fingers on his neck to check for a pulse. "Pulse is fine." He felt his forehead. "No fever." He questioned the guard, "Who saw him collapse?"

"I did, ser", the guard said. "He was just sitting at his desk, signing an order for a farmer and he slumped forward."

"Did he clutch his chest or say anything?" The medic asked.

"No. Just slumped forward. Almost like he fell asleep." The guard replied.

"I am going to need to do a more thorough examination." The medic looked at Wisteria. "Commander, you should probably go. I'll report my findings afterward." He obviously was going to have to get him undressed and was trying to preserve some sense of decorum.

Wisteria nodded. There wasn't anything she could really do other than wait. So she went back to her room and washed up from her exertions and changed into the peasant wear she liked to wear when she didn't have to see anyone. Just a pair of loose cotton trousers with a drawstring and a comfortable shirt. She settled into a chair and tried to concentrate on reading "The Rose of Orlais", a spicy novel she had given Wynne, but once Wynne finished it she passed it back to Wisteria.

But she couldn't focus on the words, she was worried about Varel. He was a genius at running the Arling. The Wardens from Weisshaupt had made it clear that Wisteria's success would reflect well on the Wardens and show they could be trusted managing lands and positions of authority. She would have a place at the Landmeets and be a voice for the Wardens in Ferelden. But she couldn't do it without someone far more experienced guiding her. She mused in this worried state until the medic finally came.

"I can't find anything wrong with him," he said. "His color is fine, he is breathing well. No rashes, not vomiting. No indication of poisoning or infection." The medic rubbed his beard. "If I didn't know better, I'd think he was just asleep."

Wisteria looked puzzled. "What about some sort of magical malady?"

"Magic?" the Medic asked, alarmed. "You'd have to ask your mage, ser. That's outside my knowledge."

Wisteria thanked the medic. She went down to the commons room to see if she could find Velanna, the Dalish elf they had recently recruited. She was in the library, scoffing at the so-called Elven history books and their many inaccuracies.

"Velanna, I need your expertise in healing." Wisteria asked. "Varel has fallen ill suddenly and the medic is stumped. He doesn't have any symptoms other than just falling unconscious. Would you take a look at him?"

Velanna nodded politely, "Certainly, Commander. Let me get my supplies."

Wisteria was grateful for her easy cooperation, it was rare that Velanna did anything without questions or protests and snide comments. She went back to her room and settled in again with the book, waiting to hear an update. She nodded off in her chair by the fire for an hour or so and decided to check on Varel when she awoke.

Velanna was sitting beside him preparing something.

"Did you find anything?" Wisteria's forehead was knotted with worry.

"Nothing. He seems hale. Although perhaps it is a circulatory problem. This balm I'm preparing is often used to increase circulation by my people. Nothing magical about it but it seems to work for a variety of ailments." She finished mixing the balm and put the jar into Wisteria's hands. "Here, just rub some of this on his chest and when he awakens turn him over and rub some on his back. I am needed, Sigrun has a nasty wound that needs attending. I'll check back later." She left his room, closing his door behind her.

Wisteria shrugged, I guess I get to play healer tonight. She opened the jar and was surprised by the smell of the balm. It smelled... _sunny_. Like grass. Like grass and rain. Maybe like grass after a rainstorm when the sun comes out and warms it. It was very pleasant. It even made her mood lift a little. She scooped some out of the jar and was astonished by how warm it made her fingers feel._ Wow, that really does increase circulation_. She was impressed by the folk wisdom of the Dalish.

Varel lay on the bed, the covers pulled up under his arms. She turned them down so she could get access to his chest. She was a little embarrassed and hoped he wouldn't mind her doing this. Maybe I should call back the medic. She nearly did but thought that was unnecessary. She owed this man so much, trying to help him a bit was the least she could do. So she sat down on the side of the bed and spread some of the balm on her hand and tentatively touched his chest. She was fairly certain she was blushing, it was irritating how shy she felt all of a sudden. She hesitantly spread the balm on his chest and relaxed a little as he didn't seem like he would be awakening.

"You are an very attractive man, Seneschal," Wisteria spoke aloud, surprising herself with the observation. She wondered about his personal life for the first time. She knew he wasn't married, but was he attached? She rather wished she knew more about him. She kicked herself for being so self-absorbed that she hadn't gotten to know him better. He was older, yes, maybe 45. But the lines in his face just made it more interesting. His chest was quite broad and he had well-muscled arms. He must do something to keep in such good shape, one didn't get that sort of physique from pushing a pen across a page of paper.

Wisteria recognized the direction her thoughts were heading. She inwardly groaned._ This is ridiculous. I can't... he's my Seneschal. That would be bad, right? _She paused, waiting to think why it would be bad. The responsible, sensible part of her brain was operating like a peat bog. A few sensible reasons for why she shouldn't burbled out, but they seemed weak and pale, unlike this man's chest. They were swatted away like gnats.

_We're practically peers_, Wisteria thought. _He operates mostly independently from me, running the Arling._ Wisteria's better judgment struggled weakly against her impulses and rolled over, exposing its throat like a dog that knew it had been defeated.

Varel inhaled sharply. A change in his breathing pattern. Wisteria put her hands on his cheeks, "Varel, can you hear me?" He groaned in response and then awoke, he stretched like a cat and finally opened his eyes.

"Commander, where..." Varel looked around puzzled. He realized he was in his room. Only his small clothes on, in bed, Wisteria leaning over him rather closely. There was this smell... delightful, rain smells and grass. It made him feel a little dizzy.

"Thank the Maker you're awake Varel. You were sitting at your desk and you fell unconscious, do you remember?"

"I fell unconscious? I feel fine though. It's just rather warm in here." Varel said. "How did I get here?" He pulled his blankets up over his chest and looked embarrassed.

"It is warm in here," Wisteria got up and opened a window. It was cold outside and the cold breeze felt good on her warm skin.

She went back to sit on the side of his bed. "The medic and Velanna couldn't find anything wrong with you. But Velanna made a Dalish herbal remedy she thought might help. Looks like it did." Wisteria smiled. "I need to rub some of this on your back. Would you mind turning over?"

"Where's the medic? I'm sure you have better things to do..." Varel looked shy.

"He's probably with Velanna. She said Sigrun has an injury they needed to attend to." Wisteria sensed his hesitancy, it made her feel self-conscious, especially given the nature of her earlier musings. "I'm afraid you'll have to make due with me playing at being a healer tonight".

Varel nodded and rolled over on his stomach.

Wisteria scooped out more of the balm and rubbed it on his back. His muscles were a little tight so she dug into them with her thumbs, trying to loosen them a little.

"You gave me quite a scare, Varel." Wisteria admitted. "I can't run this place without you. I need you to feel better!" She traced his ropey muscles with her hands, taking care to loosen the muscles in his shoulders and neck. She got lost in thought again, distracted by his muscular back. There was this one muscle that extended from his shoulder down his back, it was tight. She traced it, massaging it, using her elbow to try to loosen it. The smell of the ointment she was rubbing into him was becoming intoxicating to her.

"Commander, please stop!" Varel said suddenly, knocking Wisteria out of her reverie.

"Oh! I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" Wisteria took her hands off his back, thinking she may have been a little too enthusiastic in trying to take the knots out of his back.

"No", he said tersely.

She waited for further explanation but he remained silent.

She put a hand on his shoulder to urge him to roll over so she could see his face.

"No, don't." He said.

"Varel, what's wrong? I'll fetch the medic." She started to get up but he put out a hand and grasped her wrist.

"Wisteria... Commander... I...", Varel struggled, "if you continue with this I may forget my place".

Wisteria had already fought against her better judgment and lost the battle, now it was Varel's turn. He had felt almost fatherly to this young woman. She was so young, yet already so experienced in many ways and sometimes surprisingly naive. He was proud to serve her and hoped to see her abilities as an Arlessa grow under his tutelage. Her wit, her beauty, her brilliance in battle made her an amazing young woman. And though he appreciated those things he never imagined himself in this situation, desiring her so intensely. He was always controlled and proper, knowing protocol and how to act around those he served. This desire sprang upon him so suddenly and with such intensity it frightened him.

"Would that be so dreadful?" Wisteria leaned close and spoke softly in his ear. While she was there she softly bit his ear lobe, held it with her teeth a moment. After that he didn't resist when she pushed on his shoulder again to get him to roll over, he did this time, she saw what he had been trying to conceal. He pulled her down to him and kissed her hard. His hand behind her head, pressing her mouth hard into his own. He bit her lower lip and sucked on it.

She broke away and sat astride him and resumed her massage of his chest interspersed with passionate kisses. His hands went to her shirt and he had no patience for buttons. He had lost control and all he wanted was to have her breasts. He pulled and the buttons flew off. Wisteria laughed as they landed with little plinks all around the room.

Varel just stared for a moment soaking in the lovely young woman and her partial nudity. Her shoulder length black hair was messy and her dark blue eyes looked almost black in the firelight. She was slender, lithe with small breasts, muscular arms that still seemed feminine. His hands reached up and encircled her breasts and he pulled her down to his mouth. She moaned with pleasure as he sucked on her nipples. She was losing herself in this. All her thoughts going, there was just this now.

Somehow Varel's hands found the pot of balm Wisteria had be using on him and he scooped some up and rubbed it on her breasts. They began to tingle and grow warm. Then he sucked the sweet smelling ointment off. He wanted all of her now. So he rolled her off him and began to work on unfastening the drawstring on her pants. The knot resisted his big, impatient fingers so he gave another yank and the drawstring broke. He drew her up and slid the pants down and she moaned in anticipation. The momentum was gathering and he was trying to focus on her and pleasing her but resisting his own urges was getting more difficult.

Once again his hand scooped up some of the ointment and this time he rubbed it into her stomach and then her thighs, his hand teasing her. She pressed herself against his hand and he went into her with the ointment on his fingers. She was so soft and wet. She quietly cried out and bit his shoulder gently as he rubbed her. Soon she was shuddering with pleasure and crying out. Only then did he seek to find his own pleasure. He lifted her long legs and put them over his shoulders and then he slowly and carefully entered her. She clutched at the sheets on his bed and cried out softly as he penetrated her. It was deliciously slow, a tease. His brain felt like it might explode and he couldn't hold back. He increased his momentum until he found his pleasure and they both collapsed together in a tangled, sweaty heap, breathing hard.

*****

Nathaniel stood outside the door while Oghren kept watch for anyone coming down the hall. When Nathaniel heard the sounds of lovemaking he signaled to Oghren and they both smiled. They found their way to Velanna and reported the operation had been a success. She smiled slyly. The three recruits toasted their success. Perhaps their commander's disposition would improve and life would be a little less grueling, now that she had a new, more suitable lover.

*****

That night they made love twice more. Wisteria was amazed at Varel's stamina and endurance. Even the men she'd been with her own age could rarely go three times in one night. Neither of them spoke much, at least not with words. Eventually they were both exhausted and fell asleep. When Wisteria awoke in the morning she was nestled in his arms with her head on his chest. It was an odd thing to say but she felt protected and safe. What was odd about it was that Wisteria was always the one protecting people and she was never safe. Still, this was an enjoyable illusion.

She looked up at his face and found he was already awake, just being still so he didn't wake her. He smiled warmly at her and kissed her gently on the forehead. She stretched and sat up, looked around the room. The window was still open, the fire was out, it was freezing cold out there, but warm next to him. She hunkered down in the blankets and murmured to him, "Now what?".

"Good question," he answered, his face looked strained and sad. "I'm sorry, my behavior was entirely inappropriate."

Wisteria's mellowness faded quickly and she said, "What do you mean?" Her eyes looked hurt.

"We can't do this. It's not appropriate. People will talk." Varel said. "You're the Commander of the Grey, the Arlessa of Vigil's Keep, and I'm merely your Seneschal."

"Are you crazy? Didn't you feel what we had last night? I felt like we were meant to be together. I don't care what anyone says. Besides, it isn't inappropriate at all. We're peers, we're friends. This can happen! This did happen!" Wisteria said emphatically, her words a torrent.

"Is it that you don't want me?", she asked. "Or is there someone else? It didn't occur to me to ask you first."

"No," Varel said hesitantly, "there's no one else and I think you know the answer to whether I want you or not, but that isn't in question here." He sighed deeply. "I'm old enough to be your father".

"Oh that's nonsense. You're old enough and so am I", she snorted derisively. She got a silly grin on her face, "I am your Arlessa, am I not?"

"Yes", he agreed.

"Don't I, as liege, have some sort of right to take whoever I want to my bed?" She was grasping at straws. Wasn't that part of the plot of "The Rose of Orlais"?

Varel smiled at her pathetic excuse. "Not without their consent. However, it seems that no one usually gets around to prosecuting nobles that overlook that detail."

Wisteria smiled, "I assume I had your consent? Although I didn't exactly ask for permission to bite your ear lobe, did I?" She looked mischievous for a moment.

"Varel, may I put my hand on your thigh?" She asked primly but didn't wait for an permission again. Bad habit, that.

They weren't disturbed once. No one checked on the Seneschal's condition. No one came looking for the missing Commander who missed the morning breakfast and training and didn't show up until the afternoon. If either of them had been thinking clearly they would have found that strange. Everyone was pleased with the Seneschal's miraculous recovery.

Wisteria made no secret of her relationship with him. They were together almost constantly when she wasn't out patrolling or training with her recruits. She was happy and her recruits were much happier too. They occasionally heard rumors from the other lords but since they weren't trying to hide anything people lost interest quickly. Some people thought Wisteria should get married to a proper lord, she was a Cousland after all. Her brother Fergus came to visit once and he and Varel got along very well. Sometimes Wisteria even thought that once this darkspawn matter was solved perhaps she should marry Varel, although she kept that thought to herself.

Wisteria was back to her old habits of fighting and making love. They had had such fun with the ointment that they used quite a lot of it. When it ran low she went to the apothecary in Amaranthine and asked if he could replicate this "healing balm". The apothecary sniffed it and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. He rubbed some on his arm.

"Commander, this isn't generally used as a healing balm," he stuttered a bit.

"Well, what is it then?" Wisteria asked.

"Begging your pardon, Ser, but this is an aphrodisiac the Dalish are famous for making."

Wisteria's eyes widened in surprise. "If you tell anyone about this, it's your life, man. Do you understand?" She threatened him.

"Oh aye, Ser!"

She flipped him a sovereign and left the shop, her ears burning with embarrassment.

On the long ride home she had enough time to sort it all out. Velanna had made this balm, and had made sure she had time alone with Varel. She probably caused the mysterious coma too, which he woke up from just after getting a good dose of the aphrodisiac, just as she had by rubbing it on his chest. But why? Why would Velanna go to all this trouble to get them together? Then she remembered how negative and harsh she had been after Anders had left. She had been very hard on her recruits. Velanna must have figured out why.

"Damn that sneaky elf!" She swore. "I'm going to feed her to a darkspawn!"

But then she thought about the results of the meddling and how happy she was with Varel and how happy he seemed too. It would seem that Velanna had very good instincts, Wisteria grudgingly admitted. And her plan was incredibly subtle and brilliantly executed. Wisteria felt rather proud of Velanna. She had the makings of a good Grey Warden.

She confided her suspicions to Varel and then confronted Velanna. Velanna admitted to being involved in the plot but wouldn't name her co-conspirators.

Wisteria glared a little, but it didn't look all that genuine. "Listen Velanna, such schemes can easily go wildly astray and cause all kinds of trouble. You shouldn't do that sort of thing. It's best to confront things openly."

Velanna smiled a little with that smug elven smile, "But in this case, wouldn't you say, that all I did was help fate along a bit?"

Wisteria grimaced, "Perhaps. Just... don't do it again, please!"

**Author's Note:** This concludes this episode, but not the story of Wisteria. The title, "Wisteria Cousland -- The Hero of Ferelden" is a reference to a book that was published after the Blight, same say with input from Queen Anora, the full title being, "The Hero of Ferelden or the Whore of Ferelden?" an unflattering biography of Wisteria Cousland in the years before and during the blight.


End file.
